The Penis Files

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Woman Arrested After Trespassing at CIA 3 Days in a Row, Asking for 'Agent Penis'

Every now and then a junior journo will discover the penis in the pasta sauce jar story and they orbit towards us, their face beaming, their curiosity burning. And like all tall tales, this one gets longer by the telling. We've walked the corridors of every Hunter courthouse in the six years since and not once have we bumped into The Big Bloke.

The setting wasn't the old workers club or the river or the steelworks or a football stadium.

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It was Newcastle Local Court. A Tuesday.


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Six years ago. We took our usual position in Court 5 just behind the prosecutor. Magistrate Truscott was the beak. He was a big bloke from memory. We couldn't see his face.

He stood right in front of us. The prosecutor to his left. Truscott went through the usual procedures.

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Truscott read them. She frowned. Then he fumbled, "The facts aren't really what occurred. Silence, a shrug, then: "Stupid.

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Woman Arrested After Trespassing at CIA 3 Days in a Row, Asking for 'Agent Penis'

The Big Bloke had no shirt on and was doing something with his hands. He spotted the cops and sped off. The Big Bloke was nude except for some loose clothing he'd draped over his lap. It took four officers to handcuff him. The jar was removed. The Big Bloke was placed in a police vehicle.

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Beer was "secured". We got back to the office and recited the yarn to the boss. Several gawkers started sharing their witticisms in the newsroom.


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Con to make sure of this. The band is waterproof, flexible and even lights up, but men will still have to wear a normal condom for protection. We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. We are committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion, so we ask you to avoid personal attacks, and please keep your comments relevant and respectful. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse.